feel so good about yesterday. was a decent day. only crashed for an hour at one point and was afraid the whole afternoon would be shot again, but ended up after a short nap could do the things I wanted. actually got place vacumned, finally, and with Gopi's help later, changed my bed around so it no longer squeaks! hardly had a headache, or at least only a very small one, all day. I think was because I did not take the synthroid overdose the night before.

spent part of the morning taking out sections of my writings here that pertain to the disease and things I've written about it. copied them and dated over on artdreams the blog. am thinking of editing them a little and posting to get the blog caught up. even if it is currently only really about my health and it's progress, not my art progress per se, who cares? I have gone through this several times, start and stop and it almost seems cheating to add in posts post dated, but again, it is my blog and I can if I want too. a lot of complaining, but maybe I and fill in some items that would help others who have had thyroid cancer or knee replacements as they recover. we are all in the same boat! thought to,again, try to work forward and add more, but more about the food and diet and new cooking things I learn. perhaps can help someone who may think of becoming or staying vegetarian or just add to the many blogs and info there is currently out there. also a way for me to keep electronic files on this process of cooking and eating and taking permanent meds. not sure a, to buy, cookbook by me will happen anymore. there are a million and one veggie cookbooks now. I would rather concentrate on my memoir and get that done and published.

Back to 137 mcgs

hope today is better than yesterday. did not take the synthroid early morning at all. could not get new script for lesser amount and decided to just skip it for one day. actually slept and do not feel a headache so much. let's hope that is it. I was thinking the last couple mornings that maybe I had some strange brain cancer on top of the thyroid one! the headache was just too much, even when taking tylanol or naproxen for other pain. today I get to start the lower amount. man, I hope this works. do not need this stupid up and down shit in 4 weeks when I have knee surgery. part of me wonders if should postpone this one a few more months, but then it will go into next year and have new deductible and next year will really have a fixed income. whew, as year is going into early fall or on second half of year, now am some worried about no income next year!

just wish I could get going on the book for real. such a thing in my head and just seem to loose time every day regarding it. can not hardly get to making the bed and vacumning. hope Dr.C is right that it is the hormone and it will straighten out now. where does everyday go to? seems just fixing things here and swimming and phone talking I guess.

went to Dr. C armed with all my questions and problems and all he wanted to address was that I had to lessen the amount of synthroid I was taking as too much and that is why blood test was so low. this whole thing with how less is more and backwards confuses me to no end - especially when I am hypothyroid because of it! some of the symptoms are exhaustion and confusion and anxiety... duh... but it means I need "less" hormone! when he said he would now put me on 137mcgs of it instead of the 150, I was wha??? also he said the Vit D thing is very important and it works so just do it. of course, when I looked at Vit D Council website they claim I need to get magnesium and something else to make it really absorb and even promoted the brand I got at wegmans - except I did not get the "plus" version that has those things in it. I got the regular one so "should" make sure I get all the other stuff too. crap. Dr, C did not seem to care about that - he and nurse just said to take what I got and DO it. it will work. but he did give me a lab sheet so in six weeks I can have blood work again for both.
weird thing is he said he sent me a script and a note due to the blood work on 8/11 and I still do not have it! so he had to give me another one today and I went to fill it and, of course, they are out of stock at CVS so have to wait one more day. am thinking of shaving off a little of the 150 I have just for tonight. I am SICK of feeling so tired and crabby all the time! then from the crabbiness, I swear that is why "things" seem to be breaking and just horrible so much! the nurse tried to make me feel happy because, according to their scale, I lost 9 pounds since I went there last which was 6 weeks ago or so. she was thrilled and I was just, so? I do not FEEL like I lost 9 pounds, I thought I had gained weight! and besides, the first time I went there, I was 260lbs, then weeks later there I was 275 and now weeks later I am 261 again? shit! I can not win for loosin' it seems like. I hate this. Now, I am afraid to lessen the synthroid because maybe I will gain weight again? WTF?
and there is no one, except Bhuvi, to talk to about it as they are all clueless, which makes sense. do not know anyone who's had this kind of cancer and full thyroid removal so they all say, "oh, they just got to get the amount right and it will all be fine... took my so and so, ,months, but since then it has been fine." well, it may NOT be fine with cancer involved so I am led to believe, but we'll see. even Dr, C, when I said I had to get this together as possible as I am having another surgery next month, looked away and shook his head. sometimes I wonder if I should postpone it. BUT I DO NOT WANT TOO!!!! I want this freaking bad bad knee done so it is like my new one! I just hope, when I start the new level of synthroid tomorrow it will get ok and be good and vit D will be ok by then also.
Dr C said I did not have to do the radiation scan before next Feb. even tho nuclear guys said so. he feels it will be fine to wait until Feb when my knee is healed and I have gotten my hormones ok. I have to be happy about those two things - weight loss and no radiation or at least no low iodine diet until next Feb!!! (even if I have a new deductible!)
I need disability so I do not have to worry about going to work again - that is for sure.... hmmm, maybe too, I will start sitting in sun again for 15 minutes every other day - for the vit D - at least until winter!

tomorrow meet Dr. Charatz again. HOPING a new amount of synthroid will help with my sleeping, tiredness, and general hypothyroid symptoms - again and this time really work. I think I notice all these symptoms getting worse and just now really bothersome. talked with Ellen about the vit D thing last night and she says she has been through it also. Not quite as regimented as I seem to be doing, but her Dr. said the same thing. she also feels it is just another "thing" Drs. are into - the new thing to rip off insurance companies and get patients and make them buy things from pharmacists where they get kick backs. the new crisis. although Bhuvi says she is just starting to feel better now after so many weeks of taking this heavy supplement. she says her acupuncturist had to do this also and it took her a lot more than what the Dr. said to achieve. I need to read the areas in my thyroid book to see what that guy said. I know he did something about it. of course the stupid Dr. W. did not add another TSH test on the lab she sent me for six weeks even tho she is the one who said that was low also. is she stupid or what? if I was not going to need her for this next surgery clearance, I would change primary Dr, now. I guess I will in the next year after all this is done. sometimes I feel all this will never be done but I can go there, as they say...

found out yesterday that I have a huge Vit D deficiency also - like Bhuvi. never go out in sun anymore so, go figure. had to get a bottle of that super D that she has and it cost $40! for 100 pills tho and only take once a week, altho, when I told Bhuvi she said her Dr. realized right away it takes a lot more to get you to where you belong than once a week once you are so low like we were. we'll see. I may also try to get out into sun a little more for heavens sake! I have not read all the bad things about the deficiency for real, but glanced at them and it is amazing - many of the symptoms I have had for a long time - of course. but no one ever checked that. I know one thing is they say that for the absorption of calcium it is really necessary, so maybe all these years, I have not been absorbing my calcium well either and why arthritis and bones so bad and thyroid cancer! ugh... anyhow, took the first pill last night awhile before bed and woke up around 2am with the worst headache I have had in years! just there, inside my head, hurting really bad. yet could go back to sleep. I think it was there for an hour and I knew it but was so tired from previous night no sleep that just went through it. when awoke at 5:30 had night sweats but no headache. it does seem like a lot of one type of vitamin to take all at once, but not sure if that is why I had the headache or not. I guess I will have to look up in my thyroid book and the stuff Bhuvi sent me about it. Dr. also said my TSH was still low so that makes sense with my lethargy, feeling badly, and still this huge amount of weight not getting any better. Will see Dr. Charatz on Tues and figure he will up the pills for that! THANK GOD for the older Dr. gentleman who told me to do this before my next surgery! Without him, I would not have, most likely, as no one seems to care or think about it (meaning my "health care professionals") and would not have scheduled all this unless I had that form and pushed it and asked the blood draw person about the TSH test. Now I have about 6 weeks to try to get these levels up more before I need every ounce of self to heal my next knee. thank goodness am not working either. I would be a mess right now. Only Krsna can take care of me properly and thankfully He gives me tools to do so regularly within my instincts!
sometimes I do wonder if my instincts were better, would some of this all been avoided so long ago! oh well, that is the past and this is the now. my karma and bodily aging. still so much better or easier than so many other people. I am sure I deserve a lot worse! i do want to go around proclaiming to everyone I know tho to have their thyroid and Vit D levels checked regularly whether the Dr. tells you to or not!

had to get the blood draw this morning while fasting. got there at 7:30 when they open and there were 10 people ahead of me! geez, louise. so had to wait there an hour as I swear the two techs just hang out taking their time as much as possible. so, got home just in time to eat breakfast and call Dr. W since she did not put on this lab order the test for TSH which is WHY I wanted to take the test in the first place. so called and hope she does what she is supposed to - call the lab and add in that test. of course, she never answered the phone so who knows what it is about. just shows how little she thought of my complaints and problems last March. she made the request then and did not even put on it, thyroid tests. ugh, makes me want to get a new GP, yet, everyone I mention anything about all this has a story too. seems all GPs are NOT up to date on possible thyroid problems or symptoms. Perhaps the insurance companies need to be told about them!!!