artDreams

I want to create art described by D.Koontz as, "...before the decline of the West, when the purposes of art were celebration and reflection instead of transgression and negation." I want to inspire people in creative goals even though it seems life just gets in the way. I quit posting to this blog after health & family issues took longer to work out than planned. Now a year later, it is time to "shit or get off the pot!" as my Mom says about goals left undone.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Monday and back to work

Monday morning, going back to work. Even though for only six weeks, it seems daunting. Have gotten so used to my schedule at home, like a true retired person, am now realizing my true life desire is to do just this. "Retire" from my normal life. Not get a part time job or anything like that. Truly be at home, retired, from work field and work on my own creative life totally.

I can see now where it could happen. I would do it. No more worry, "Oh would I just become a bum, sitting around doing nothing, watching Tyra all day?" Nope, maybe for a week but that is it. I find the life minus a job, after 40 years, quite refreshing. What I remember I envisioned when starting out this working part of life. And it all gives me a feeling of being entitled somewhat.

When my daughter complains about her job and or how she can't stand it and does not think she should have to work a job, nor her boyfriend. They "see" how messed up it is with everyone having to work a job "forever" and never getting to do their own thing whatever it may be. OK, I can relate and understand that I also thought it was messed up and artists should be paid a wage to create etc. etc. However, now I feel more like "Tough shit girl. I put in my dues. Did my part to raise you. Did my time at the drudge job - for the family - for life as we knew it...  Now it is YOUR turn. Get out there and do it. Stop whining!"  I seem to have less patience with her and her partner than I have had these years, perhaps because I have had a taste of the "real" life I craved all these years. Being normal, even with my own daughter, I feel I paid m dues, now she has too - or don't bother me with begging and whining.

I do want to mention, have taken the synthroid at about 4a.m. each night for four nights now. Since I wake up then anyhow, figure take it then and there goes the hour of waiting while I am sleeping! I figured that changing from about 6a.m. to this 4 a.m. would not matter so much and I appear to be correct. I notice no difference other than I do not have to wait that hour before tea or coffee! Just need to make sure I continue to do the ten minutes of chanting however. That is the most important new habit of life I have to continue. As I am getting older, it is time to re-address this in my life. My promise, my duty, to my Spiritual Master....

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